Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Ammani's Challenge - 4 - COUGH SYRUP
They had been cranky since morning… While she was packing they kept taking things out driving her up the wall… While she prepared food for the trip - for her husband, parattas and dry aloo subji, for her in laws, Uppuma and Puliyogere, for them, all kind of boiled vegetables and raagi kanji and some curd rice, in case they insisted on ‘thayirmammu’… For her? She’d eat whatever was left over after serving them all… Anyway, she never felt hungry while on a train journey… May be due to the stress of bearing all tantrums of the young and the old… But they were making her go crazy… She had some more washing to do… some more ironing some more packing… some more arrangements with the doodhwallah, the paperwallah and the maid… CRASH! They had broken something…MADE OF GLASS! In a panic, she ran to the hall to see her kids looking guilty and surrounded by hundreds of pieces of her china vase… She hauled them to a safe part of the floor and whacked them both which set them off howling on top of their voices…She lifted the little one onto her waist and dragged the other by hand into her room. She switched on the TV and told them not stir from the bed. Then she opened the cupboard and took out a bottle of Phenargan. Two teaspoons each, she fed them… That’ll keep them quiet for the next two hours, till I finish my work, she thought wearily. With a guilty glance at her kids, she went back to her chores. I must remember to pack the bottle for the journey, she told herself resignedly.
Ammani's Challenge - 3 CREDIT CARDS
What are credit cards made of?
What are credit cards made of?
Compulsive yearning and rashness in spending,
That’s what these cards are made of.
What are credit cards made of?
What are credit cards made of?
Offers and guiles and ‘plasticky’ wiles,
And such are credit cards made of.
What are spouse cards made of?
What are spouse cards made of?
Shopping that rocks and statement that shocks,
And such are credit cards made of!
What are credit cards made of?
Compulsive yearning and rashness in spending,
That’s what these cards are made of.
What are credit cards made of?
What are credit cards made of?
Offers and guiles and ‘plasticky’ wiles,
And such are credit cards made of.
What are spouse cards made of?
What are spouse cards made of?
Shopping that rocks and statement that shocks,
And such are credit cards made of!
Ammani's Challenge - 2 - SOCKS
She hated folding clothes. She hated washing them in the first place. Back home there was a maid to do all that. She had never touched anyone else’s clothing before. Marriage had transformed all that. Now she was expected to collect everyone’s soiled clothes in the morning from their rooms and put them in the washing machine. The maid would dry it and later in the evenings dump them on her bed. It was her duty to fold them all and leave neat bundles of everyone’s undergarments and towels and other clothes back in their rooms. She hated touching others clothes… the worst ordeal was folding the socks… She was expected to lay them flat, one over the other- toes aligned - and roll them up and tuck them into the opening of one so the pairs won’t be lost…the way Manni ( sister- in – law) had shown her…the way Manni had been doing it for years, till there was a younger Maatuponnu( DIL) at home to do it…
Today, in a fit of frustration, she just tied each of the pairs together… Well they won’t be separated…that’s what all these acrobatics were about…wasn’t it?
Today, in a fit of frustration, she just tied each of the pairs together… Well they won’t be separated…that’s what all these acrobatics were about…wasn’t it?
Ammani's Challenge - 1 CURRY
Take 1 – CRISIS
Anita sniffed and banged her fist on the dining table. She stared in anger and frustration at the print outs spread on the table with mounds of vegetables…
It was bad enough that she scarcely knew any cooking. Now she was expected to cook recipes he had downloaded from Google… curries whose names she had not even heard… Now Aakakkrakaya and Sanaga Pappu curry sounded so formidable. So did Bachala Koora, Ala Badun, Gova Mallung and Bonchi… She did not know yet that translated into Indian terms these were but day to day dishes her mother made.
Pity I love him so much that I am ready to traumatize myself… His parents had better approve of me, she thought mutinously… She was not one for currying favours, but he was insistent that they woo his parents, so that their living together could be legalized into holy matrimony… with their blessings!
With a palpitating heart she set about with the curries.
Take 2 - PHONIES
Give one of that, that, that and that! She said pointing to the 1 rupee sachets of detergents… Why don’t you take 4 pieces of one instead of … She shook her head frantically and I shrugged before handing her the 4 different sachets. Customer is the king…or queen… even if she is a chit of a maid servant.
She is a regular at my shop. I know she works for those software couple in that two bedroom apartment in Gangotri Block. She is from their native village and her knowledge of Hindi is minimal. No wonder, for she is not allowed to mingle with people in the apartments, she confided to me. We had developed a rapport since we were from the same state.
She came two days later. She wanted onion and potatoes. As I handed her the covers, I saw it… a purplish brown weal stretching from her elbow to her wrist. What happened? I asked. My mistake, she said woodenly. I spilled curry on Sir’s white T shirt when I was serving them…Madam was very angry…and beat me… Her eyes brimmed over. She wiped off the tears with the back of her hand and sniffed.
You know, she said pointing to the chain of small sachets of detergents. None of these soaps work… They just tell lies on the TV.
Anita sniffed and banged her fist on the dining table. She stared in anger and frustration at the print outs spread on the table with mounds of vegetables…
It was bad enough that she scarcely knew any cooking. Now she was expected to cook recipes he had downloaded from Google… curries whose names she had not even heard… Now Aakakkrakaya and Sanaga Pappu curry sounded so formidable. So did Bachala Koora, Ala Badun, Gova Mallung and Bonchi… She did not know yet that translated into Indian terms these were but day to day dishes her mother made.
Pity I love him so much that I am ready to traumatize myself… His parents had better approve of me, she thought mutinously… She was not one for currying favours, but he was insistent that they woo his parents, so that their living together could be legalized into holy matrimony… with their blessings!
With a palpitating heart she set about with the curries.
Take 2 - PHONIES
Give one of that, that, that and that! She said pointing to the 1 rupee sachets of detergents… Why don’t you take 4 pieces of one instead of … She shook her head frantically and I shrugged before handing her the 4 different sachets. Customer is the king…or queen… even if she is a chit of a maid servant.
She is a regular at my shop. I know she works for those software couple in that two bedroom apartment in Gangotri Block. She is from their native village and her knowledge of Hindi is minimal. No wonder, for she is not allowed to mingle with people in the apartments, she confided to me. We had developed a rapport since we were from the same state.
She came two days later. She wanted onion and potatoes. As I handed her the covers, I saw it… a purplish brown weal stretching from her elbow to her wrist. What happened? I asked. My mistake, she said woodenly. I spilled curry on Sir’s white T shirt when I was serving them…Madam was very angry…and beat me… Her eyes brimmed over. She wiped off the tears with the back of her hand and sniffed.
You know, she said pointing to the chain of small sachets of detergents. None of these soaps work… They just tell lies on the TV.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Ammani Asked, I Wrote-14
She was born in 1940. The second of five children born to Vedaranyam Seshadri and Rajalakshmi ammal. She passed away after a brief illness in November 2006. How will Jagada be remembered?
How does one pay tribute to someone who passes away at an age of 66? Not an early death… by demographic standards, but definitely not the age to die. There are thousands out there who are some decades older than her who want to, wish to die…but don’t. Here’s Jagadakka who succumbs to the call of Yama at a mere 66.
We shall remember her as a woman of substance…astonishing substance at that! We had heard of stories of her daring at a time when a woman’s place was considered to be definitely within the four walls of her home. In 1956 she created waves when she, clad in white shorts and short clinging shirt, played tennis at Country Club with youngmen, waves which turned into tsunamis of communal outcry when she posed in a two piece bikini for a local magazine. As expected she was ostracized and exiled by an influential father and a livid elder brother to London where she blossomed into a headstrong young woman, under the tolerant care of her maternal aunt. She was a great oarswoman and was the trailblazer in forming the first ethnic women’s team in Oxford.
I met her with a sense of trepidation a couple of summers back, when I was on an official trip to London. Will she agree to meet me? I wondered… She did… very charmingly and affectionately and I fell for her charms-- hook, line and sinker! She was very candid about her life and did not try to justify any of her actions. I was a futuristic anachronism, she laughed, patting my cheeks. My only regret is that I could not apologize to Appa for the heartache I had caused him. I hope I can apologize to Anna at least, before…! Don’t you worry, I cut in resolutely. I will arrange a family reunion and we will all be family once more. It took me two years to thaw the stone-hard heart of my 70 year old brother and finally my exiled eldest sister Jagada returned home on 13th November. 14th was her birthday. Manni and the other women in the family had prepared a feast fit for kings and Jagadakka had enjoyed herself. The kids laughed out loud watching her slurp paalpayasam noisily and not very successfully. At last, that last missing piece in the family jigsaw puzzle had been fitted in… Yet, Gods were jealous…Jagadakka succumbed to her terminal illness last week. But the banished princess had returned home to roost in our memory for ever!
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Ammani Asked, I Wrote- 13
When you walked in through their door, you found them both on their hands
and knees searching the floor for something. I guess you know what had happened.
A stranger would think that they have lost their marbles. Only I know the real story. You see, after my retirement, they both became unbearably interfering.They have always been bossy, my sisters, but this was too much. To divert them and to keep them away, I suggested that they pursue some hobby. Funny as they are -- I don't mean 'funny- Haha' I mean 'funny- peculiar' -- they took up painting on grains of rice. Anything to keep them off my hair, I thought and encouraged them. That's how this project started. Two years and 3 months back -- they have been calligraphically writing the 1000 names of Lord Vishnu on individual rice grains -- they'd finished the project yesterday. I was happy for them.I have contacted the Guinness Record people to acknowledge their work. Tuesday evening they'll be here. But 10 minutes back, I got a call from them. Catastrophe! They sobbed. Come immediately. As I walked through their door, I found them on their hands and knees, searching for something. I looked at their sad faces... and the scattered rice grains on the floor... I hope we can find all the thousand grains...
and knees searching the floor for something. I guess you know what had happened.
A stranger would think that they have lost their marbles. Only I know the real story. You see, after my retirement, they both became unbearably interfering.They have always been bossy, my sisters, but this was too much. To divert them and to keep them away, I suggested that they pursue some hobby. Funny as they are -- I don't mean 'funny- Haha' I mean 'funny- peculiar' -- they took up painting on grains of rice. Anything to keep them off my hair, I thought and encouraged them. That's how this project started. Two years and 3 months back -- they have been calligraphically writing the 1000 names of Lord Vishnu on individual rice grains -- they'd finished the project yesterday. I was happy for them.I have contacted the Guinness Record people to acknowledge their work. Tuesday evening they'll be here. But 10 minutes back, I got a call from them. Catastrophe! They sobbed. Come immediately. As I walked through their door, I found them on their hands and knees, searching for something. I looked at their sad faces... and the scattered rice grains on the floor... I hope we can find all the thousand grains...
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Ammani Asked, I Wrote - 12
She turned on the tv and screamed. What did Charu see that prompted such a reaction?
The phone was ringing non-stop. Charu washed the suds off her hands, dried her hands on her pallu and hurried to pick the call up. ‘Coming, coming!’ she yelled. As she suspected it was her husband. ‘What are you doing?’ he asked ‘Quick, switch on the TV. We are winning the match. Don’t miss the winning shots. We need only 6 runs in 12 balls. Charu quickly put the receiver down and switched the TV on. She surfed the channels till she got DD National… Yes, Kumble seemed to be the hero of the hour. Yes! Yes! Yes! We are going to…she thought as a tsunami of patriotic feeling swept over her… Then her mouth fell open… As usual, DD National had stopped the relay… with the message ‘The match can be viewed on DD Sports!’ A blood-curling scream poured forth from Charu.
The phone was ringing non-stop. Charu washed the suds off her hands, dried her hands on her pallu and hurried to pick the call up. ‘Coming, coming!’ she yelled. As she suspected it was her husband. ‘What are you doing?’ he asked ‘Quick, switch on the TV. We are winning the match. Don’t miss the winning shots. We need only 6 runs in 12 balls. Charu quickly put the receiver down and switched the TV on. She surfed the channels till she got DD National… Yes, Kumble seemed to be the hero of the hour. Yes! Yes! Yes! We are going to…she thought as a tsunami of patriotic feeling swept over her… Then her mouth fell open… As usual, DD National had stopped the relay… with the message ‘The match can be viewed on DD Sports!’ A blood-curling scream poured forth from Charu.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Ammani Asked, I Wrote- 11
First it was red. Then yellow. Now it's red again. Why can't Shailu make up her mind?
Shailu froze as she eyed her reflection in the mirror. She smoothed the aquamrine dress she had picked up at Splash. No, she decided, nobody can say I am on the wrong side of forties. No one had better, she added to herself, after the thousands she had spent on cosmetic surgery! Mmmm! All those nips and tucks are worth it. She pouted at her own reflection and said, Sinful, Shailu… absabloominglutely sinful of you to look so young. She blew a kiss to her reflection and picked up her handbag.
As she rummaged through it, she ‘flashed back’ twenty years. As a twenty two year old combination of brain and beauty, she had the world…( at least all the young men of the world)
At her feet. Backed by her father’s wealth, she was the Paris Hilton of her area. She had painted the town in various shades of red then! And then, she had met Gaurav Kumar and had fallen hopelessly in love with him… enough to give up all her wild ways and tie the nuptial knots with him… The two of them had been the talk of the town… invitations to their parties the most coveted achievement.
Somewhere they had both sobered down and the wild shades of red they had painted the town slowly changed to yellow…changing shades and mellowing in brightness as their kids were born and they discovered new meanings and nuances to their perceptions of life.
Now her midlife crisis tormented her. The kids had grown up and gone away… Gaurav had turned into a garlanded portrait on the wall and Shailu had been desolate… When she realized that losing oneself in self-pity was hardly going to help, she had picked up the pieces of her shattered life. The cosmetic surgery, the VLCC, the shopping sprees had all been worth it. Here she was looking like a Katherine Hepburne rather than Audrey, smart, beautiful….mature. She was ready to paint the town red once more, wasn’t she? She was going to the Disco tonight with Dr. Shetty. She knew she wouldn’t ever paint the town in those shades of red anymore…no more scarlet, no maroon… no magenta…. Maybe shades of russet or terra cotta? She wondered. Somehow, she couldn’t make up her mind.
Shailu froze as she eyed her reflection in the mirror. She smoothed the aquamrine dress she had picked up at Splash. No, she decided, nobody can say I am on the wrong side of forties. No one had better, she added to herself, after the thousands she had spent on cosmetic surgery! Mmmm! All those nips and tucks are worth it. She pouted at her own reflection and said, Sinful, Shailu… absabloominglutely sinful of you to look so young. She blew a kiss to her reflection and picked up her handbag.
As she rummaged through it, she ‘flashed back’ twenty years. As a twenty two year old combination of brain and beauty, she had the world…( at least all the young men of the world)
At her feet. Backed by her father’s wealth, she was the Paris Hilton of her area. She had painted the town in various shades of red then! And then, she had met Gaurav Kumar and had fallen hopelessly in love with him… enough to give up all her wild ways and tie the nuptial knots with him… The two of them had been the talk of the town… invitations to their parties the most coveted achievement.
Somewhere they had both sobered down and the wild shades of red they had painted the town slowly changed to yellow…changing shades and mellowing in brightness as their kids were born and they discovered new meanings and nuances to their perceptions of life.
Now her midlife crisis tormented her. The kids had grown up and gone away… Gaurav had turned into a garlanded portrait on the wall and Shailu had been desolate… When she realized that losing oneself in self-pity was hardly going to help, she had picked up the pieces of her shattered life. The cosmetic surgery, the VLCC, the shopping sprees had all been worth it. Here she was looking like a Katherine Hepburne rather than Audrey, smart, beautiful….mature. She was ready to paint the town red once more, wasn’t she? She was going to the Disco tonight with Dr. Shetty. She knew she wouldn’t ever paint the town in those shades of red anymore…no more scarlet, no maroon… no magenta…. Maybe shades of russet or terra cotta? She wondered. Somehow, she couldn’t make up her mind.
Friday, November 17, 2006
Ammani Asked, I Wrote-10
Somewhere in the dark recess of that wooden cupboard, there is a photo album. And somewhere the middle of the album is a photograph of Vaijayanti. She's leaning against a tree, looking up at something and smiling. What is she looking at? When was this photo taken?
When I look at the sepia toned photograph, my seventy year old heart still seems to break into a million pieces. There she is, the thirteen year old Vaijayanti. I remember the day the photograph was taken….. It was taken by Rasai athimbar, her twenty-one year old husband. I remember the joy and festivities in our home those days. Double was the joy…..My sister Vaijayanti had come of age and the all the old ladies of the village had gathered to partake in the festivities….. After 15 days Rasai athimbar had come from Bombay to carry our precious sister away with him. She had been married the previous year and had been left behind in her parents’ house till the auspicious time would come for her to accompany her husband. I had been just 8 years old then and had been instructed to be a chaperone for the couple….more of a spy, as I realized later in life….. I remember how I was hiding among the foliage of the mango orchard, as they both were trying to grab some private moments. Rasai athimbar told her to pose thus, looking up…he said he wanted to capture her perfect silhouette . As she looked up, she saw me and burst out laughing…. That was when Rasai athimbar clicked his old Russian Zenith camera.. I remember falling down from that height and being hauled up by the laughing couple. Vaijayanti left with athimbar the next day.I saw her six months later….. widowed, tonsured, restricted into the dark crypt-like room in her In –law’s house….. I have never seen her smile or laugh like that again.Though I had tried to many times once she was forcibly brought back home by my parents… Only this photograph, that she had given me to put away in the family album along with one of the couple taken in a studio in Bombay, ever reminded us of a very young laughing girl in her teens whose dreams were snatched cruelly away by a monster called typhoid.
When I look at the sepia toned photograph, my seventy year old heart still seems to break into a million pieces. There she is, the thirteen year old Vaijayanti. I remember the day the photograph was taken….. It was taken by Rasai athimbar, her twenty-one year old husband. I remember the joy and festivities in our home those days. Double was the joy…..My sister Vaijayanti had come of age and the all the old ladies of the village had gathered to partake in the festivities….. After 15 days Rasai athimbar had come from Bombay to carry our precious sister away with him. She had been married the previous year and had been left behind in her parents’ house till the auspicious time would come for her to accompany her husband. I had been just 8 years old then and had been instructed to be a chaperone for the couple….more of a spy, as I realized later in life….. I remember how I was hiding among the foliage of the mango orchard, as they both were trying to grab some private moments. Rasai athimbar told her to pose thus, looking up…he said he wanted to capture her perfect silhouette . As she looked up, she saw me and burst out laughing…. That was when Rasai athimbar clicked his old Russian Zenith camera.. I remember falling down from that height and being hauled up by the laughing couple. Vaijayanti left with athimbar the next day.I saw her six months later….. widowed, tonsured, restricted into the dark crypt-like room in her In –law’s house….. I have never seen her smile or laugh like that again.Though I had tried to many times once she was forcibly brought back home by my parents… Only this photograph, that she had given me to put away in the family album along with one of the couple taken in a studio in Bombay, ever reminded us of a very young laughing girl in her teens whose dreams were snatched cruelly away by a monster called typhoid.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Ammani Asked, I Wrote 9
It's been 14 years. But will Ananthasayanam ever get it right?
When I got Ananthasayanam’s email, I burst out laughing! The poor devil, I thought. The quirky foibles one acquires in one’s younger years can never be overcome easily. I used to despair whenever he would offer to drive me around. I’d say, Anantha, take a right from the roundabout and he’d turn left…. Or…let us take the left exit to the Mall, I’d say and he’d immediately switch lanes and go to the extreme right…He was disoriented when it came to right and left, ‘direction dyslexic’. Otherwise a brilliant guy… He’ll get by, I thought… may end up spending more on petrol!That was long ago. But now that he has become the captain of S S Sagarkanya and is charting his course in the vast oceans, he won’t have problems, I thought. Old habits sure die hard…In his email, Anantha tells me he is perpetually confused between starboard and port and to avoid ridicule from his crew, he has tattooed a star on his right palm…so next time he hollers out instructions, he can do so confidently…er….after a quick glance at his palm, first. Necessity IS the mother of inventiveness!!!
When I got Ananthasayanam’s email, I burst out laughing! The poor devil, I thought. The quirky foibles one acquires in one’s younger years can never be overcome easily. I used to despair whenever he would offer to drive me around. I’d say, Anantha, take a right from the roundabout and he’d turn left…. Or…let us take the left exit to the Mall, I’d say and he’d immediately switch lanes and go to the extreme right…He was disoriented when it came to right and left, ‘direction dyslexic’. Otherwise a brilliant guy… He’ll get by, I thought… may end up spending more on petrol!That was long ago. But now that he has become the captain of S S Sagarkanya and is charting his course in the vast oceans, he won’t have problems, I thought. Old habits sure die hard…In his email, Anantha tells me he is perpetually confused between starboard and port and to avoid ridicule from his crew, he has tattooed a star on his right palm…so next time he hollers out instructions, he can do so confidently…er….after a quick glance at his palm, first. Necessity IS the mother of inventiveness!!!
Monday, November 13, 2006
Ammani Asked, I wrote-8
Can you see Sarasa over there? Notice how she winces as she climbs the stairs. She's torn a ligament in her ankle. Ask her how she injured herself and she'll say something vague about tripping down the stairs and so on. But I think you know the real story.
I’ve seen it coming for a long time…. They were made for each other. Sarasa and Deboshree! A regular Marie and Debra Barone combination, I tell you. Everybody saw it. The first time Deboshree stepped into Sarasa’s house the atmosphere was so thick, you could cut it with a blunt knife! Therein started their eternal game of one-upmanship! Not that they had anything out in the open….. but the they alternated the predator and prey routine so adeptly that it was difficult to keep a tab on the score. Like on Debo’s birthday. Sarasa had signed her up for week long prepaid classes with the doyen of tele-cookery shows…. I know how insulted Debo felt by this pointed reminder that she had moronic culinary skills. I know she had been waiting to get even…. So on Mother’s Day, she drives Sarasa to Cleo’s Body Shop and tells her she has signed her up for a two week aerobic session….to whittle her waist and transform her into a new hep gal! Oh! Did Debo gloat, when she saw how alarmed Sarasa had been! Still Sarasa’s pride wouldn’t let her admit defeat and she valiantly laced herself into the Nikes, her daughter in law had considerately bought her…I knew it….. The very first day, Sarasa had started limping…but she wouldn’t give up. Fate was kind to her though… On the second day, she tripped on an undone shoelace and came crashing down. She’a torn a ligament, her doctor advised her to avoid climbing stairs, bathe the foot in salty, warm water and take plenty of rest. But Sarasa wouldn’t be told what to do by others…ever! So, she climbs stairs, wincing with pain as she does… I know it is her pride that has been injured more… You ask me how I know all this? I am the Ray Barone, dammit!
I’ve seen it coming for a long time…. They were made for each other. Sarasa and Deboshree! A regular Marie and Debra Barone combination, I tell you. Everybody saw it. The first time Deboshree stepped into Sarasa’s house the atmosphere was so thick, you could cut it with a blunt knife! Therein started their eternal game of one-upmanship! Not that they had anything out in the open….. but the they alternated the predator and prey routine so adeptly that it was difficult to keep a tab on the score. Like on Debo’s birthday. Sarasa had signed her up for week long prepaid classes with the doyen of tele-cookery shows…. I know how insulted Debo felt by this pointed reminder that she had moronic culinary skills. I know she had been waiting to get even…. So on Mother’s Day, she drives Sarasa to Cleo’s Body Shop and tells her she has signed her up for a two week aerobic session….to whittle her waist and transform her into a new hep gal! Oh! Did Debo gloat, when she saw how alarmed Sarasa had been! Still Sarasa’s pride wouldn’t let her admit defeat and she valiantly laced herself into the Nikes, her daughter in law had considerately bought her…I knew it….. The very first day, Sarasa had started limping…but she wouldn’t give up. Fate was kind to her though… On the second day, she tripped on an undone shoelace and came crashing down. She’a torn a ligament, her doctor advised her to avoid climbing stairs, bathe the foot in salty, warm water and take plenty of rest. But Sarasa wouldn’t be told what to do by others…ever! So, she climbs stairs, wincing with pain as she does… I know it is her pride that has been injured more… You ask me how I know all this? I am the Ray Barone, dammit!
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Ammani Asked, I Wrote- 7
I don't have to tell you what you already know about Chakkrapani. So do you think he should have done what he did at the restaurant the other day?
Yes, yes, we both know Chakkrapani…I have known him from the days he used to run errands for me after dropping out of school. Didn’t I keep him with me for four years? Did he ever give me any reason to complain? Not once. Thangamaana payyan! Still, Srinivasa, when you begged me to find a loyal man to help you out with your business, half-heartedly I handed him over to you….
Adellaam sheridaa, Subbu… aanaalum avan appadi pannalaama?
May be not! But you must try to think from his angle…. As far as he is concerned, he must have had a good reason for having done that. Weren’t you a bit too harsh on him? Throwing him out like that? You should have at least intimated me about what he did before sending him back to the village, poor Chakkrapani!
Poor Chakkrapani…poor Chakkrapani! What about poor Srinivasan? Why aren’tyou concerned about me? The idiot has with all his good intentions, jeopardized my very good name in the industry…In the last two days, I have had hosts of Food Inspectors eating for free and taking take-aways for free….The amount I had to shell out to appease those money-hungry inspectors! Do you know with what difficulty I have set up a good reputation and built up my restaurant? Easynnu nenachayaa? As it is we have to compete with all these Pizza Huts and Mac Donalds ! Thanks to old customers like Gopala Chetty I am managing modestly.
But, what did Chakkrapani do? He is such a loyal person….
Yes, yes, loyal…. Very loyal…. That idiot found a dead cockroach in the thayir wadai tray…. And do you know what he did, he scooped it out and threw it and served the dish to the guests….. Madayan! At least he should have taken it back to the kitchen and done it…. No…half hidden behind the partition near the wash- stand he has done it not knowing that Gopala Chetty’s wife and daughter in law were washing their hands there!! When they asked him, the idiot said, ‘Ayyo, paavum modalali…. Avarukku nashtam varakkoodadullayaa?
Take 2
I know, Chakkrapaani wants to learn English. Ever since Kuttan Nair joined the restaurant, he is learning to read and write English…. Fancies that if he learns to read and write English, he will get a job abroad….. But that doesn’t mean that when you are making Jangiri for Diwali you make batches and batches of cat and rat and mat instead of the traditional shape….!! Pity, I agreed when he said he will work overtime at night and finish the jangiris. What will I do with 1000 cats 1000 rats and 1000 mats in saffron colour???? I had to throw him out! Learning indeed!
Yes, yes, we both know Chakkrapani…I have known him from the days he used to run errands for me after dropping out of school. Didn’t I keep him with me for four years? Did he ever give me any reason to complain? Not once. Thangamaana payyan! Still, Srinivasa, when you begged me to find a loyal man to help you out with your business, half-heartedly I handed him over to you….
Adellaam sheridaa, Subbu… aanaalum avan appadi pannalaama?
May be not! But you must try to think from his angle…. As far as he is concerned, he must have had a good reason for having done that. Weren’t you a bit too harsh on him? Throwing him out like that? You should have at least intimated me about what he did before sending him back to the village, poor Chakkrapani!
Poor Chakkrapani…poor Chakkrapani! What about poor Srinivasan? Why aren’tyou concerned about me? The idiot has with all his good intentions, jeopardized my very good name in the industry…In the last two days, I have had hosts of Food Inspectors eating for free and taking take-aways for free….The amount I had to shell out to appease those money-hungry inspectors! Do you know with what difficulty I have set up a good reputation and built up my restaurant? Easynnu nenachayaa? As it is we have to compete with all these Pizza Huts and Mac Donalds ! Thanks to old customers like Gopala Chetty I am managing modestly.
But, what did Chakkrapani do? He is such a loyal person….
Yes, yes, loyal…. Very loyal…. That idiot found a dead cockroach in the thayir wadai tray…. And do you know what he did, he scooped it out and threw it and served the dish to the guests….. Madayan! At least he should have taken it back to the kitchen and done it…. No…half hidden behind the partition near the wash- stand he has done it not knowing that Gopala Chetty’s wife and daughter in law were washing their hands there!! When they asked him, the idiot said, ‘Ayyo, paavum modalali…. Avarukku nashtam varakkoodadullayaa?
Take 2
I know, Chakkrapaani wants to learn English. Ever since Kuttan Nair joined the restaurant, he is learning to read and write English…. Fancies that if he learns to read and write English, he will get a job abroad….. But that doesn’t mean that when you are making Jangiri for Diwali you make batches and batches of cat and rat and mat instead of the traditional shape….!! Pity, I agreed when he said he will work overtime at night and finish the jangiris. What will I do with 1000 cats 1000 rats and 1000 mats in saffron colour???? I had to throw him out! Learning indeed!
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Ammani Asked, I Wrote- 6
What happened last Tuesday when Rajamanickam had gone to the bank to deposit a cheque?
Tuesday is the wrong day to go to the bank, his mother had warned him. Our branch closes on Mondays, and on Tuesdays there will be considerable rush. But Rajamanickam had had no choice. His Economics project had Wednesday as deadline and he had to submit a report on how to encash a cheque and take a DD from a bank. True he should have done it during the weekend, but with the India- Australia match in the offing, who would risk going out?
He stood in the long queue, waiting impatiently for his turn. Just as the lady ahead of him finished with her business, a young woman sporting huge sun glasses just gate-crashed in front of him in the queue. Before he could protest, the woman dropped her purse down and bent down to pick it up. I don’t know if it was the sight of the expanse between her jeans and her top, or the way she turned and smiled at him, Rajamanickam, made way for her, gulping down the heart that had jumped into his mouth.
He doesn’t exactly remember what happened next…. As she took out a grenade and pulled the pin with her teeth, Rajamanickam had the presence of mind to first run towards the exit…. Well……! His Economics project did not meet the deadline, but Boy! He got an A+ for his creative writing assignment that week!
Tuesday is the wrong day to go to the bank, his mother had warned him. Our branch closes on Mondays, and on Tuesdays there will be considerable rush. But Rajamanickam had had no choice. His Economics project had Wednesday as deadline and he had to submit a report on how to encash a cheque and take a DD from a bank. True he should have done it during the weekend, but with the India- Australia match in the offing, who would risk going out?
He stood in the long queue, waiting impatiently for his turn. Just as the lady ahead of him finished with her business, a young woman sporting huge sun glasses just gate-crashed in front of him in the queue. Before he could protest, the woman dropped her purse down and bent down to pick it up. I don’t know if it was the sight of the expanse between her jeans and her top, or the way she turned and smiled at him, Rajamanickam, made way for her, gulping down the heart that had jumped into his mouth.
He doesn’t exactly remember what happened next…. As she took out a grenade and pulled the pin with her teeth, Rajamanickam had the presence of mind to first run towards the exit…. Well……! His Economics project did not meet the deadline, but Boy! He got an A+ for his creative writing assignment that week!
Monday, November 06, 2006
BOOMERANG!
She doesn’t listen to me, the mother told me.I go to such great lengths to ensure she excels in everything. I take her to the dance lessons…drive her to the personality development and art classes; I have engaged a private coach for her to improve her tennis skills, and I give up all my time to ensure that her studies don’t suffer…and I take pains to ensure that she is not brushed off by her teachers when it comes to participating in sports events….. And this ingrate chit of a girl, refuses to co operate… she is becoming openly defiant…I feel upset…She sobbed into a twisted wad of Kleenex. I glanced at the girl’s impassive face. You know what? The mother continued. In our family all are so well qualified. There is nothing but the IIT for us…and MS abroad. And last week at a family wedding, this stupid announces in front of all the elders in the family that she wants to study English and become an English teacher. You know, my husband is an IIT graduate and has an MBA from IIM Ahmedabad. I have a masters in law and I was the university champion in athletics and am a national basketball player…. Why doesn’t she understand our dreams for her? The girl rolled her eyes and shuttered her expression the moment she caught me watching her. I could feel her wince under the barrage. May I ask you something ma’m? I said, in my most professional voice, hiding my irritation. What are you? What do you mean? She said. I said, what do you do now? Nothing, she said, I am a housewife. I raised one eyebrow at her and smiled as pointedly as I could waiting for her to understand….. Her daughter, bright as she was, understood the import of my words. She nodded her head and smiled, for the first time that evening!
Sunday, November 05, 2006
TURNING AROUND
Can you move a little? She turned around and looked at the speaker. A young mother, with a tonsured two year old. She moved nearer to the wall, allowing the mother and child squeeze in next to her. They both had an hour to kill before the doctors came to the OPD. She looked furtively at the child’s head. Black lines on the right side of the tonsured head stood out ominously. The child had bandages on his wrists and elbow.
She was wallowing in her own misery….She would not be able to bear the trauma. She had made up her mind. She was not going to fight back. She just wanted to give up the fight… She had decided to tell the doctors that she would not go for Chemo. She looked at the child again. Gently, she touched his wrist. Does it hurt? She asked. The child nodded. Then he said, When I grow up I will also become a doctor and give everyone injection. To punish them? She asked. No, he said, to make their ‘oowa’ go away. She looked at the child’s confident face with awe.
Her turn with the doctor… So shall we start your treatment today? Dr. Harsh asked. She could not say what she had come prepared with. The child’s optimism had rubbed off on her. I can’t give up now, she thought in panic….and, then calmed herself down….I won’t give up!….. Fine, doctor, she said. I am ready for my Chemo.
OOWA- childspeak for hurt, pain
She was wallowing in her own misery….She would not be able to bear the trauma. She had made up her mind. She was not going to fight back. She just wanted to give up the fight… She had decided to tell the doctors that she would not go for Chemo. She looked at the child again. Gently, she touched his wrist. Does it hurt? She asked. The child nodded. Then he said, When I grow up I will also become a doctor and give everyone injection. To punish them? She asked. No, he said, to make their ‘oowa’ go away. She looked at the child’s confident face with awe.
Her turn with the doctor… So shall we start your treatment today? Dr. Harsh asked. She could not say what she had come prepared with. The child’s optimism had rubbed off on her. I can’t give up now, she thought in panic….and, then calmed herself down….I won’t give up!….. Fine, doctor, she said. I am ready for my Chemo.
OOWA- childspeak for hurt, pain
Friday, November 03, 2006
Ammani Asked- I Wrote
1. What happened that made young Meenakshi change her mind about the parrot green saree she had originally chosen and go for a coppersulphate blue saree instead?
Meenakshi was cheesed off! Trust Sundaresan's family to select a colour that would clash with her complexion...I can't face the guests in this parrot green saree... especially as my own parrot would not even be seen. I will not get married without my mascot, she muttered. She dialled Sundaresan's number on her mobile.Who selected this saree? she demanded. It clashes horribly with my complexion.'Well, said, Sundaresan. Don't jump the gun. My sister Jyothika selected it....Simply turn the saree around....and wear the copper sulphate colour on the other side..
And your complexion.. and copper sulphate... they should go. If Aishwarya Rai can carry it off in Devdas....you can too.... You are after all the most beautiful woman!
That's how Meenakshi ended up in cuso4 blue saree.... All's well that?...Ends well.
October 27, 2006 8:30 AM
2. So what was Krishnaswami thinking when he said yes to her?
Krishnaswami looked at her. Have I created my own Frankenstein? He wondered. He had married her at the age of 14, a mere sprite of a girl. Then he had groomed her to suit his taste. Taught her everything, from cooking to styling her hair. He had introduced her to the world of books…. She read all the best sellers now. He had taken her to Ranji Trophy matches and she ended up discussing cricket with his friends….He had taught her to do crosswords, she had stolen his march by solving cryptic ones…something he could never handle. He had taught her how to do the Rubik’s Cube…she set a state record by doing it in 48 seconds. She managed to solve the daily Sudoku even before he got up…..She could convert cassettes into computer files, turn them into MP3 format and burn selected CDs of her choice… She had started a blog of her own with the help of her grandson. He was an alien in the land of computers. His whole life he had watched her spread her wings and soar higher and higher …..away from him? Now she wanted her own laptop as a shathabhishekam gift…Even as he said yes….he wondered if he was axing the very branch on which he had been sitting pretty all his life!
October 31, 2006 9:06 AM
3. She knew he wouldn't approve. So why did Visalakshi go ahead and do it anyway?
Visalakshi looked at the masaldosa on her plate. She stole a glance at their guests. The Kanoshakis were obviously lost in the delight of eating south Indain food. She looked helplessly at her husband who pointedly looked at the knife and fork beside her plate. It was obvious. she was expected to use them. How can one do justice to masaldosa with a knife and fork? She could never manage it. What the heck! She thought.What if I am the ambassador's wife! If I want to eat with my fingers I bloody well shall! She would face his wrath later at home... there's one full evening's gap between now and then.
Visalakshi calmly broke a piece of dosa with her fingers and dipped it into her sambhar, deliberately avoiding his furious eyes!
November 01, 2006 10:36 AM
4.You haven't spoken to your best friend Jalajasri for nearly two years. Do you remember what caused the rift between the two of you?
Yes, we had been the best of friends, yes, we had been inseparables....yes, I had trusted the woman with all my secrets. She had known that I was suffering from Spondylosis and that I was snowed down by 5 bundles of the Half yearly papers to correct. So when it was my turn to entertain the ladies of the kitty, I naturally ordered food from outside. Only Jalajasri, that asp that I had kept close to my bosom knew about it.She knew I'd be ostracized by those snooty matrons if they came to know that I hadn't cooked anything at home. In fact, she had helped me empty all the tell-tale packets from the caterers and get rid of them without leaving any trace behind.
And just when Mrs. Bakshi congratulated me on my Muttar paneer, she had the cheek to quip, 'We should tell the maharaj about it, he'll be delighted no swarna? And while we are at it we should also compliment him on these malai koftas....they are juuussst divine!'
My kitty group hasn't spoken to me eversince, nor have I to that snake in the grass.
November 02, 2006 1:06 PM
5.It was the same thing every morning. Jo would slam down the alarm, turn over to the other side and go back to sleep. And invariably, she would curse herself for turning up late for work. Today however, she had a fool-proof plan. What was it?It was the same thing every morning. Jo would slam down the alarm, turn over to the other side and go back to sleep. And invariably, she would curse herself for turning up late for work.
Now, that would not do tomorrow. She had to be at the airport at 6.30 to receive the Chinese delegates and take them around to their plant in Jebel Ali. Eureka! She gathered all the books from the cupboard and stacked them, one above the other, Starting with Tuesdays With Morrie and ending with the Complete Works of Shakespeare. The tower of books wobbled as she balanced the timepiece precariously on top. Good, she thought. Now when it rings, I’ll grope around to switch it off and the whole tower will come crashing down on me, waking me well up!
With a contented sigh she drifted off to sleep, not realizing that she had forgotten to set the alarm in the first place.
November 03, 2006 10:48 AM
Meenakshi was cheesed off! Trust Sundaresan's family to select a colour that would clash with her complexion...I can't face the guests in this parrot green saree... especially as my own parrot would not even be seen. I will not get married without my mascot, she muttered. She dialled Sundaresan's number on her mobile.Who selected this saree? she demanded. It clashes horribly with my complexion.'Well, said, Sundaresan. Don't jump the gun. My sister Jyothika selected it....Simply turn the saree around....and wear the copper sulphate colour on the other side..
And your complexion.. and copper sulphate... they should go. If Aishwarya Rai can carry it off in Devdas....you can too.... You are after all the most beautiful woman!
That's how Meenakshi ended up in cuso4 blue saree.... All's well that?...Ends well.
October 27, 2006 8:30 AM
2. So what was Krishnaswami thinking when he said yes to her?
Krishnaswami looked at her. Have I created my own Frankenstein? He wondered. He had married her at the age of 14, a mere sprite of a girl. Then he had groomed her to suit his taste. Taught her everything, from cooking to styling her hair. He had introduced her to the world of books…. She read all the best sellers now. He had taken her to Ranji Trophy matches and she ended up discussing cricket with his friends….He had taught her to do crosswords, she had stolen his march by solving cryptic ones…something he could never handle. He had taught her how to do the Rubik’s Cube…she set a state record by doing it in 48 seconds. She managed to solve the daily Sudoku even before he got up…..She could convert cassettes into computer files, turn them into MP3 format and burn selected CDs of her choice… She had started a blog of her own with the help of her grandson. He was an alien in the land of computers. His whole life he had watched her spread her wings and soar higher and higher …..away from him? Now she wanted her own laptop as a shathabhishekam gift…Even as he said yes….he wondered if he was axing the very branch on which he had been sitting pretty all his life!
October 31, 2006 9:06 AM
3. She knew he wouldn't approve. So why did Visalakshi go ahead and do it anyway?
Visalakshi looked at the masaldosa on her plate. She stole a glance at their guests. The Kanoshakis were obviously lost in the delight of eating south Indain food. She looked helplessly at her husband who pointedly looked at the knife and fork beside her plate. It was obvious. she was expected to use them. How can one do justice to masaldosa with a knife and fork? She could never manage it. What the heck! She thought.What if I am the ambassador's wife! If I want to eat with my fingers I bloody well shall! She would face his wrath later at home... there's one full evening's gap between now and then.
Visalakshi calmly broke a piece of dosa with her fingers and dipped it into her sambhar, deliberately avoiding his furious eyes!
November 01, 2006 10:36 AM
4.You haven't spoken to your best friend Jalajasri for nearly two years. Do you remember what caused the rift between the two of you?
Yes, we had been the best of friends, yes, we had been inseparables....yes, I had trusted the woman with all my secrets. She had known that I was suffering from Spondylosis and that I was snowed down by 5 bundles of the Half yearly papers to correct. So when it was my turn to entertain the ladies of the kitty, I naturally ordered food from outside. Only Jalajasri, that asp that I had kept close to my bosom knew about it.She knew I'd be ostracized by those snooty matrons if they came to know that I hadn't cooked anything at home. In fact, she had helped me empty all the tell-tale packets from the caterers and get rid of them without leaving any trace behind.
And just when Mrs. Bakshi congratulated me on my Muttar paneer, she had the cheek to quip, 'We should tell the maharaj about it, he'll be delighted no swarna? And while we are at it we should also compliment him on these malai koftas....they are juuussst divine!'
My kitty group hasn't spoken to me eversince, nor have I to that snake in the grass.
November 02, 2006 1:06 PM
5.It was the same thing every morning. Jo would slam down the alarm, turn over to the other side and go back to sleep. And invariably, she would curse herself for turning up late for work. Today however, she had a fool-proof plan. What was it?It was the same thing every morning. Jo would slam down the alarm, turn over to the other side and go back to sleep. And invariably, she would curse herself for turning up late for work.
Now, that would not do tomorrow. She had to be at the airport at 6.30 to receive the Chinese delegates and take them around to their plant in Jebel Ali. Eureka! She gathered all the books from the cupboard and stacked them, one above the other, Starting with Tuesdays With Morrie and ending with the Complete Works of Shakespeare. The tower of books wobbled as she balanced the timepiece precariously on top. Good, she thought. Now when it rings, I’ll grope around to switch it off and the whole tower will come crashing down on me, waking me well up!
With a contented sigh she drifted off to sleep, not realizing that she had forgotten to set the alarm in the first place.
November 03, 2006 10:48 AM
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